OK, so let the insanity continue, here is the second part of the 'Found Rant' about Charlie Clempson and how I felt about the whole affair. And if part one was bad, then this is far far worse. I have to say that the Stephen of 2009 isn't to impressed with the Stephen of 2003... he was dick.
Seems obvious, you can't be in love if she or he don't love you back. You can't love someone in a half hearted matter, it takes a whole heart, and you can't love someone without showing it.And that is where that little rant ended... oh and if you were wondering, how many points were on the two columned list then the answer is 'a lot more than 14' that list was extensive and not only well presented but mostly (honestly) correct.
So when I was sitting with a piece of paper in my hands, with a neat two column list of all the things which made me a shit boyfriend, and she was telling me athat she 'still' loved me but loved herslef more and couldn'y change me so couldn't be with me, a voice screamed in me "LIAR, COWARD" A voice screamed at her and I felt a swell of emotion, more emotion than any person should feel at once.
I pitied her, the coward, the liar. I pitied me, the accused , the unjustly treated. I hated her, every word on that page, in two neat columns all that care and thought put into hurting me! I hated me, so much of that list was true, if it was only true of a moment of our time together it was true enough.
No one's perfect, no one. Sometimes I could be 1. Inconsiderate... but so could she. I remember this one I was crying, tears weren't flooding down my cheeks but I was weeping as much as a healthy VD free boy can. And I was opening up to her about how my Dad was more interested in work and his other families than me and how [NAME OMITTED] had [OMITTED TEXT], which had huge ramifications on on all future relationships.
It wasn't hard to open up, I was drinking and I was in love. I was so in love that I ignore d the fact that she hadn't even tried to console me before launching into her [ORIGINAL TEXT ABOUT HER OWN SKELETONS & DEMONS OMITTED].
I ended up feeling no better, and [in fact] a whole lot worse. I was racked with guilt for even thinking I had things bad, felt guilty about haveing raw feelings, she made me feel guilty for someone other than her [???].
That to me is fucking inconsiderate! I could also recall a moment when I was 12. Overbearing. But I had asked her if I was being a pain, admittedly after acting absolutely useless without her, but she had made out like I was not a burden and she actually enjoyed using me like a 'project'.
I know I enjoyed it, being cared after, having someone to rely on. Truth is I could have done with seeing her less during that period but it was so satisfying, being able to moan about work and get another persons perspective. Truth was she was a distraction, work had become to intensive and she took the edge off, which lead me to act 13. needy and become 14. smothering.
I personally think that there's no need for 13 or 14 after 12 but I guess for a girl who spells love in more than one way...
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