Zeke Dance!

& DANCING IN THE RAIN

STREET FIGHTER IV: More Oppurtunities to Kick Adam's Ass

Chances to humiliate your friends and make them look like the inept skill-less twerps you suspect they are don't come in many forms, the most devastatingly humiliating way to make a mate look like a prize-class putz is to put a joy pad in their hand and then load up Street Fighter.

Time to bring the pain.



Oh, yes sir! That was an Ultra Combo which finished with a one-inch punch from Fei-Long. I'm going to enjoy pulling that one out.

Click the 'View Original Post' link to see the video.

A-TEAM TRAILER... YEP!

I don't even know what to say about this.

Giving Heavenly Sword One More Go

Hello Ninja Theory,

I have long been interested in your games but have never had opportunity to play them until recently. I have played Ragdoll Kung Fu briefly and I am now playing through Heavenly Sword.

My interest in your games and your company came from reading about your development of Heavenly Sword in Edge magazine, I found the column very interesting and the coverage Edge gave Heavenly Sword and the PS3 really exciting. Due to the fact that I went travelling for a few years I didn't get around to buying a PS3 until last year and I've only just got my hands on Heavenly Sword.

I'm really impressed, the game looks lovely and Nariko is a powerful and well realised protagonist. Fighting with her is an absolute joy and watching her leap and bound down rope or up walls is a thrill.

Andy Serkis as the bad guy is fantastic, also I like two out of three of his henchmen too, you did a great job capturing the performances and it makes a difference (and allows me to forgive the fact that some cutscenes can't be skipped, even on replay).

All that said though, I don't think I'm going to complete this game. You see, it turns out that I'm not very good with a bow and arrow. And master Shen, well not only can he not walk very fast with arrows sticking out of him (something his enemies seem to have no problem with) but he refuses to pick up any of the swords which fall from the hands of the dead around him, no matter how much I scream at him.



It wouldn't be ideal, but I could accept his death as a plot point, sometimes heroes fall and our saviours fail us, right? I would accept his death and it would steel me to fight the evil forces even harder, to not let his death be in vain... but I don't have the choice. The choices presented to me are "try again" or "give up", and I don't want to do either. What would you suggest?

I'm gutted, because there are performances, combos, vistas and bosses that I just won't see and I've waited so long.

Maybe I will give it one more go...

Stephen

The OXO Factor

So OXO adverts have changed a bit.





So they were the new ones, shall we look at the old ones?

Example one.

Example two.

Huh... good aren't they.

Charlie Clempson Fan Club: Found A Rant part II

OK, so let the insanity continue, here is the second part of the 'Found Rant' about Charlie Clempson and how I felt about the whole affair. And if part one was bad, then this is far far worse. I have to say that the Stephen of 2009 isn't to impressed with the Stephen of 2003... he was dick.

Seems obvious, you can't be in love if she or he don't love you back. You can't love someone in a half hearted matter, it takes a whole heart, and you can't love someone without showing it.

So when I was sitting with a piece of paper in my hands, with a neat two column list of all the things which made me a shit boyfriend, and she was telling me athat she 'still' loved me but loved herslef more and couldn'y change me so couldn't be with me, a voice screamed in me "LIAR, COWARD" A voice screamed at her and I felt a swell of emotion, more emotion than any person should feel at once.

I pitied her, the coward, the liar. I pitied me, the accused , the unjustly treated. I hated her, every word on that page, in two neat columns all that care and thought put into hurting me! I hated me, so much of that list was true, if it was only true of a moment of our time together it was true enough.

No one's perfect, no one. Sometimes I could be 1. Inconsiderate... but so could she. I remember this one I was crying, tears weren't flooding down my cheeks but I was weeping as much as a healthy VD free boy can. And I was opening up to her about how my Dad was more interested in work and his other families than me and how [NAME OMITTED] had [OMITTED TEXT], which had huge ramifications on on all future relationships.

It wasn't hard to open up, I was drinking and I was in love. I was so in love that I ignore d the fact that she hadn't even tried to console me before launching into her [ORIGINAL TEXT ABOUT HER OWN SKELETONS & DEMONS OMITTED].

I ended up feeling no better, and [in fact] a whole lot worse. I was racked with guilt for even thinking I had things bad, felt guilty about haveing raw feelings, she made me feel guilty for someone other than her [???].

That to me is fucking inconsiderate! I could also recall a moment when I was 12. Overbearing. But I had asked her if I was being a pain, admittedly after acting absolutely useless without her, but she had made out like I was not a burden and she actually enjoyed using me like a 'project'.

I know I enjoyed it, being cared after, having someone to rely on. Truth is I could have done with seeing her less during that period but it was so satisfying, being able to moan about work and get another persons perspective. Truth was she was a distraction, work had become to intensive and she took the edge off, which lead me to act 13. needy and become 14. smothering.

I personally think that there's no need for 13 or 14 after 12 but I guess for a girl who spells love in more than one way...

And that is where that little rant ended... oh and if you were wondering, how many points were on the two columned list then the answer is 'a lot more than 14' that list was extensive and not only well presented but mostly (honestly) correct.

Love Craig's List

You called me a "F*cking pervert" remember?? - 45
Reply to: anon-50760261@craigslist.org
Date: 2004-12-01, 11:26AM GMT/BST


I caught your dress in my umbrella- Do you remember?

It was last Thursday morning walking across London Bridge . It was a bit of a drizzle around and I started to put up my umbrella. Its one of the great big ones that are used as golf tournament. I have it because then folk will think I'm a golf pro. Anyway it is so big that I didn't notice that I'd caught your dress in it..
I was the guy behind you trying to catch you up but you were walking
quite quickly .
I guess that you know it was me running after you but maybe you were
late for work?.

We had sort of met on the train coming into London that day. I was behind you in that very crowded train and we were all pressed together. Unfortunately the umbrella may have made contact you – You had your back to me and with the crush of people the handle of the umbrella seems to disappear into the folds of your skirt. It was when I was retrieving it that you noticed me.
I smiled as best I could as you called me a "FucKing pervert!" – But I thought that was not the best time to ask for your phone number.
You did manage to get a seat later on in that train journey and I was lucky enough to be in the train corridor right beside you. It must have been fate I think. Do you believe in fate? You looked a bit concerned as I managed to stand above you but you closed your eyes.
Presumably thinking about what a wonderful journey you had had – Apart from the golf umbrella up your skirt which as I explained above was unfortunate.

My pen top was not supposed to fall off whilst I did the crossword. It went down the front of your dress and as you had your eyes closed I thought I could retrieve it with out disturbing you.
The thing was just lodged between your breasts and I nearly got hold of it with my finger tips when you work up. It was a bit embarrassing to be called a "F*cking Pervert!" for the second time that day. Ah well path of true love etc..

Fancy a coffee……………

Lesbian Vampire Killers

You knows you want to see this!

SUITABLE FOR WORK! Jump right in.

Just What You Needed To Hear!

You can even eat MEXICAN FOOD!



Ha ha! Private joke, at YOUR expense.

Had a cheese party!

One thing I miss about my life in Japan would have to be the impromptu, enthusiastic and awesome parties. JETs really know how to throw down! But, why can't I keep partying as if it were 2007 (Miyazaki style) for the rest of life? If I learnt anything in Japan, and it's questionable whether I did, then I learnt how to P A R T Y.

So, I thought I would throw one... First I needed a theme, CHEESE, need a location, MY LIVING ROOM, need music, CHEESE! Oh, what is this? I have the starting of a party here my friend, maybe not a rager, maybe not a carnival, not an orgy of debauchery but a soiree of a more quiet nature.

Some dancing on the couch, some splits performed to pick cardboard off of the floor with one's teeth and a bunch of sing-a-longs later and I realised that 'quiet nature' had gone out the window... it seems that Cheese + Red Wine + Cheesey music = rocket fuel.

It seems that people can throw down in little ol'Blighty, we had a right ol'knees up and then some, and after a hard few weeks of bitter cold, commuting and well... life, what else do you do for fun? Fondue of course!

Forwarded Email: Virgin Girl

I try not to forward emails to people, and when I do I at least try to clean them up so that they're not a mess of email addresses and triangle brackets. Shame no one else takes the time to do this when sending me, what is mostly junk. Once in a while an email comes along that makes me smile though, and once in a while I have so little else to contribute to this blog that I copy and paste a (mediocre) email joke into my blog... this is one of those times.

For all Employees Who Work With Rude Customers

An award should go to the Virgin Airlines gate attendant in Sydney some months ago for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.

A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin's 767s had been withdrawn from service. A single attendant was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, 'I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS'.

The attendant replied, 'I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out.'

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, 'DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?'

Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone: 'May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please,' she began - her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. 'We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14.'

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the Virgin attendant, gritted his teeth and said, 'F**k you!'

Without flinching, she smiled and said, (I love this bit)......

'I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too.

War＆Taxes

I saw this video on www.videogum.com and couldn't resist, I had to post it.

Fuck! This guy is different... and amazing, for all the wrong reasons! Fuck!

Are You Missing Japan? No... I'm taking a stroll

"Are you missing Japan?"

No, I'm spending time laying around in parks. And it's a wonderful past time.

Apart from my mirth filled visit to Holland Park I've spent time lounging about in front of Buckingham Palace whilst watching Liz chase squirrels with her camera and then fail to take a picture when the squirrel literally stands a meter from her nose and watches her for 30 seconds. I listened to Samba, Jazz and Funk Fusion then watched demonstrations of body-popping, Judo and Bushido in Shoreditch Park. I watched the colour of the sky change over the London skyline from the vantage of Primrose Hill. And, I walked the dense wooded areas of Hampstead Heath and found myself in long grasses, again looking at the London skyline (and The Red Arrows flying through the sky) from what I think was Parliment Hill.

Britain, even in a sprawling Megapolis like London, lends itself very well to an aimless wander through idyllic fields to find the shelter of an oak or willow. You don't need an tarpaulin, it doesn't have to be April, sunshine alone is enough of an excuse, yet add in music, alcohol and food and you have a little party... everyone is invited.

And when my longing for Japan does become so great that I'm almost ready to jump on a plane (or flying pig) and head back then perhaps a moment in Holland Parks Kyoto Garden will fill me with enough zen spirit of the four seasons to sate my appetite.

And whilst I know that I could be doing far more productive things, like finding a job, procrastinating in this way seems just as worthwhile... food for the soul if you will.

Photoshop: I Design People

Meet Hailey. Hailey is an outgoing chartered accountant from Surrey, she spends her days crunching numbers but her evenings are spent crunching bones in her Mixed Martial Arts class. She single, but loves the freedom. She races in her local derby on the weekends and loves puppies.


Meet M. M is a JET who was foolish enough to give me her mugshot... oh dear oh dear.

I mainly employed the liquefy filter and the healing brush tool.

JETs Are A Humourless Bunch of...

I called Zoe the other day and after she lightly poked fun at me for something trivial I acted offended and became defensive, but also apologetic. Fast forward to a conversation with Emily Collins and I crack a joke that I think she takes offense to, cue groveling, backtracking and more groveling. She hadn't taken offense at all and then accused me of spending too much time on the Miyazaki JET listserve where people are overly worried about everything that isn't "love", "death" and "taxes". Similarly, Zoe told me that I'd been in Japan to long, and I had become unaccustomed to British humour.

What happened?

There used to time when I had my priorities straight, I had a sense of humour, a sense of perspective and I wasn't offended at the drop of a hat. Are these overly sensitive Nihongo Nerds and Nippon Apologists rubbing off on me? For the sake of all that is good, I really hope not.

God forbid that I be sarcastic

I don't want to be the type of person that spits their dummy out when someone has the gaul to call them "duck" as an non-gendered term of endearment, or for similarly innocuous offenses. God forbid that I be sarcastic, and say something which isn't meant to be taken seriously (amongst friends who should know me well enough to realise).

I'm really looking forward to getting back to British Humour, there's something uniquely comforting in being amongst people who can laugh at themselves and laugh along with people laughing at them.

I've never heard apathy so condescendingly explained

Let's look at American JETs... god forbid you criticise their government, not even jokingly. They've all had it up to here with 'the hating' and it's 'really not their fault', boo hoo. Putting aside the fact that every American comedian or person with a soapbox makes a living from making fun of their own country... if you, as a non-Northern American try to have a conversation about your world, then be careful, because in JET land, feelings are easily hurt.

I've never met a race of more confused patriots. Patriotism is definitely in their blood, but it clashes with the almost Catholic portioned dose of shame they've inherited from years of questionable foreign policy. And ask any American JET about their foreign governments foreign policy and they all immediately get defensive, "It's not my fault! It's not my fault". Apparently, in the greatest democracy in the world, American citizens don't even have a choice in who they elect to presidency, unless they live in a 'swing state then there's no point in even voting... apparently, I've never heard apathy so condescendingly explained.

Honestly, I don't hate Americans, I'm not 'hating' on you. But please understand that people are going to have an opinion about things that are going on in their world, and they will often share them or want to discuss them with people they perceive as mature enough to field (often not even personal) criticism and discuss it. And not, conversely, go wide-eyed, start the bottom lip quivering and complain that the other countries aren't sharing their toys... you big baby!

Oh well... I guess that's the way it crumbles. Cookie-wise. Maybe after leaving Japan we will all have our sense of humour reinstated.

Why I don't write scripts

My most popular photo, hit with perverts

This is my most viewed photo. Yesterday it got a boost of 1,151 views because it was linked from sites like (not safe for work), this and this.

1,151 views in one day! It's not even that revealing a picture, one girl has trousers on and the other isn't embarrassing herself.

Oh well, T.I.J.

This woman is a dick!

My reply to this vlog!

"First off, you look great in that bathing suit, well done.

But...

Harangued much!

Wow, who's the audience for this video?

Being ignorant about vaginoplasty doesn't make someone dumb, it just means that they're not as well read as you on a subject that isn't common knowledge.

Also; "construction worker types", wow! How about being a bit more class prejudice... "Who ever you can dredge up to bump uglies with after 17 beers", could you seem anymore judgmental?"

Calpernia [at time of writing] is online responding to all her critics, and I'm hoping that she will reply to mine.

I'm sorry that this video is 14 minutes long, it could have been 3 minutes long and it would have still said the same thing: "When talking to anyone, be considerate, and don't say anything that may upset them."

Which I agree with wholeheartedly... and Calpernia, it's a two way street.

Oh, and beginning the vlog by pretending that you've just been interrupted whilst reading a book, kind of reminds me of this.

Genesis 19