Are You Missing Japan? No... I'm taking a stroll

"Are you missing Japan?"

No, I'm spending time laying around in parks. And it's a wonderful past time.

Apart from my mirth filled visit to Holland Park I've spent time lounging about in front of Buckingham Palace whilst watching Liz chase squirrels with her camera and then fail to take a picture when the squirrel literally stands a meter from her nose and watches her for 30 seconds. I listened to Samba, Jazz and Funk Fusion then watched demonstrations of body-popping, Judo and Bushido in Shoreditch Park. I watched the colour of the sky change over the London skyline from the vantage of Primrose Hill. And, I walked the dense wooded areas of Hampstead Heath and found myself in long grasses, again looking at the London skyline (and The Red Arrows flying through the sky) from what I think was Parliment Hill.

Britain, even in a sprawling Megapolis like London, lends itself very well to an aimless wander through idyllic fields to find the shelter of an oak or willow. You don't need an tarpaulin, it doesn't have to be April, sunshine alone is enough of an excuse, yet add in music, alcohol and food and you have a little party... everyone is invited.

And when my longing for Japan does become so great that I'm almost ready to jump on a plane (or flying pig) and head back then perhaps a moment in Holland Parks Kyoto Garden will fill me with enough zen spirit of the four seasons to sate my appetite.

And whilst I know that I could be doing far more productive things, like finding a job, procrastinating in this way seems just as worthwhile... food for the soul if you will.

Are You Missing Japan? No... I'm watching Comedy

Here's my first of a new series of blogs ("oooh exciting, he takes this so seriously") called, "Are You Missing Japan...". Why? Because people keep asking me, and the answers 'no'.

No, because I've been busy. No, because it's been like what? A fucking week! No, because I'm still alive, I have my life ahead of me and no one died, Japan is still there, in my heart of hearts, in my memories, in the smile of every young child... just fucking no! I have time for self indulgence (obviously, I'm blogging to an audience of one), but I have no time for self-pity.

Anyway... this one's called "Are You Missing Japan? No... I'm Watching Comedy." Because, I went to see some comedy tonight! In Holland Park! The poshes place I've ever been to! The houses along the road before we arrived at the theater were huge, pristine white and fricking huge! The event was sponsored by Pimms and called SummerFest and was great. But instead of wittering on about it, I've gone to Youtube and found videos of the comics we saw.

Russel Kane, our compere. There are better clips on youtube, which weren't filmed on camer-phones, but this one is short and has a few of the jokes he told tonight.



Jason Bryne, talked about the strange things that turns his wife on, masturbation, hotel pornography, alcohol fueled debauchery with the misses and other such things. In this clip, he does some magic with a kid... he has range.



Andrew Lawrence, my favourite by a mile. No decent clips on Youtube I'm afraid, but there is this montage from his website, folow this link.

Richard Herring, for me the over enthusiasm of the compere killed this guys act. The compere needed, in my amateurish opinion, to tone it down before this guys acts and not go in full throttle. Still, I did laugh... but I laughed more at this clip of Richard being irritated by a heckler.



Doug Stanhope, made the posh upper middle class audience really very uncomfortable. Many of them left, others just watched in shocked disbelief... I fucking wet myself. This guy's act was soooooooooo offensive, but really funny. I recommend seeing this guy, but don't take your grandmother. Here's a clip.

Summer Sonic: Who To See?

It's always a struggle deciding upon who makes the cut and who gets cut out of your personal festival schedule. Here's my thinking about Summer Sonic 08.

So, Saturday morning is a no brainer, it's The Wombats followed by Vampire Weekend. Dance dance dance! Whoop! This means I'll miss The Ting Tings but I will probably get to see Polysic as long as they're not on at the same time as Biffy Clyro.




After Biffy it gets trickier, because seeing The Kooks doesn't appeal to me, nor Radwimps, I'm not familiar with Boom Boom Satellites or Devo and have never fully committed to Super Fury Animals.



Then of course the last act again is a no brainer... let the suckers go and see Coldplay, I'll be seeing Fatboy Slim, thank you very much.

Now we're onto Sunday and there's some gold playing today. Again, nice and early for Los Campesinos, followed by Santogold and We Smoke Fags. That should leave time for The Subways, The Fratellis or more likely Hot Chip, a bit of The Prodigy and to finish...



It's a choice between The Verve, Sex Pistols, Paul Weller or Pendulum. It's a difficult choice to make, and far more frustrating than choosing between Justice and Fatboy Slim on Saturday. I have a feeling I will be seeing Pendulum... but only time will tell.

Leaving Party

Despite all the Duh-rama and negativity on the kenlist in the lead up to the leaving parties, the actual event was great fun. So much food! It was awesome, and even though I couldn't drink (on medication) I had a great time talking with people and saying my goodbyes.

The party atmosphere started in the Kencho of all places, The ChiChi (Governor) was on top form and made everyone laugh and put us all at ease, it's nerve racking having to go and shake a minor celebrities hand.


After my visit to the kencho I hung out with Seth and Vicky, two other JETs who are leaving Japan this year, we got some yoghurt and some macha mocha's, had a good chat about JETs and JET.

Then after some food (a lot of food) it was time for some hijinks, dancing and silliness at The Bar. Said hijinks and silliness was all the more silly from when seen from sober eyes. Chris, Patrick G, Patrick M and Christian freestyled. Patrick C nearly broke his neck doing a handstand and Ted showed his patriotism:

I think that Ted has been working out.

So, I made video for the screen at The Bar, it was for all the leavers, unfortunately it was 3.7gb in size and was impossible to upload.

Good luck to each and every one of you... and to quote Ted (quoting someone else)

"May all your dreams come true, except for one of them, so that you always have something to look forward to"

And lastly, a huge thank you to Kelly, Lauren and Kara who have taken over MAJET from Marion, Patrick and I and who did a great job organising two awesome parties. Thank you.

Let the job hunt begin!

Yokohama was cool, not bitterly cool, but just fresh. The sun was out and the skies were blue but it was still definitely jacket weather. So if it wasn't the heat, then what could explain my uncomfortably sweaty pits?

I went to Yokohama for the Returners Conference, a JET run 3 day business conference for JETs who have come to their senses and realised that "teaching" a bunch of teenagers how to 'repeat after me' isn't the best way to spend their lives. Armed with this revelation JETs take paid holiday, hop on buses, planes and ferries and find themselves in one of the most populated cities in Japan.

 'JETs are extremely employable, we just need to communicate this'.

At the conference we're treated to speeches by ex-JETs, recruiters, entrepreneurs and professional thinkers about the state of the employing world and our chances as ex-JETs in finding work out there.

To paraphrase the overarching message of the conference, 'JETs are extremely employable, we just need to communicate this'. I personally don't have a problem with this message, I believe that I would be an asset to any company I'd work for... so considering this staggering self belief then, why was I leaking like a sieve?

a job that is ostensibly only limited by the scope of your own imagination but in reality it is confined by the limits of other peoples

The world, the big wide world, it's an awe inspiring concept isn't it? Endless horizons, blue skies that go on forever, so many comings and so many goings. Yokohama, with it's tall buildings, it's globally influenced architecture, it's port that welcomed ships from the different continents of the planet, the people that walk past you and don't stare! In Yokohama, much like the rest of the world, you're are not special by virtue of the place you were born, the colour of your skin or the languages you speak.

It's exciting, it's amazing, and it's boundless. At the conference I realised how very hamstrung I had been. In a country where I didn't know the language, in a job that is ostensibly only limited by the scope of your own imagination but in reality it is confined by the limits of other peoples lack of imagination. I've learnt and grown a lot working in Japan, but it has been the cloud to my silver lining more often than not.

There are negatives, I suppose, to all aspects of life, but what Yokohama presented to me and what was making me all excited was that I now could see my power to change things, to navigate my own course and find a life that suits me. I felt dwarfed by it, overwhelmed somewhat, but still, as I stood in the shadows of so many skyscrapers, monuments to success, expansion and entrepreneurism, I felt that if one of them would collapse and fall over my head I could survive it. I mean, I had survived two years in Japan, I can do anything, take on all comers.

So, Yokohama was cool, but it ignited something in me. Positivity, self-belief, something... and I had my first interview yesterday and I have my second tomorrow. Let the job hunt begin!

Photography

Where am I at the moment with photography? I just don’t know. I’ve not committed myself to buying a pro or even a semi-pro camera yet and I’ve not found a style either.

My subjects range from portraits to close-ups of mushrooms and flowers, from landscapes to candid shots. I don’t really have a direction; I’m just kind of snap happy at the moment.

Now I don’t want to come across like I’m not enjoying my camera, and I’m loving the results of my picture taking, but I can’t help but feel that if I was to just concentrate on one thing I could be taking really great photo’s.

So, maybe I will take the first step and buy a new camera, research lenses, read a book or two. I’ve been considering taking some evening classes when I return home, perhaps a cooking course as I’m sure that I’ve forgotten how. Not only would an evening class keep me from my old bad habits of cotching in front of the TV all evening and achieving nothing, but I could meet new people.

I looked at a few Saturday Japanese courses and have already decided that that isn’t a bad way of spending a Saturday afternoon. I have no illusions of ever coming back to Japan, no illusion and no motivation either, but learning Japanese at my own pace has been fun if not totally fruitful. So if Saturday is Japanese, perhaps Sunday can be photography.

Hhhmm… and now I’m on this train of thought, I really want to carry on with other things when I get back to England, so as well as the Japanese study I also want to carry on travelling. I don’t want to spend years on the other side of the world, but I don’t want to spend four day weekends drunk in London (again). Instead I could take long trips to some part of Britain or Europe I’ve never seen before. Life is too short for repetition.



So this rant about my lacklustre photography is turning into a bit of an unruly, unfocused, manifesto, seems like my lack of photographic direction is a symptomatic of general lack of direction… screw it, let’s run with it.

My poetry. I was reading through some of the older stuff the yesterday on my way back from a Farewell party and, even though I was pretty drunk at the time, I still think it’s pretty good. So, what to do with that?



Do I just keep writing them compulsively, and keep them hidden away on my Mac and backed up on my hard drive? Or do I, and this is what I was drunkenly day dreaming about… go and perform them… hhmm, ponder.

When considering the complex subject of ME, there is just so much to consider. Navel gazing isn’t easy, and I think that I will need a while longer being self-obsessed, self-involved and introverted before I come to any worthy decision. Luckily “me-time” is my favoutite kind of time.

Hhmmm… maybe self portraits.

The shape of things to come

Written August 3rd, 2006, 8:13am

So apparently, and I don’t know if I’ve understood this correctly so don’t quote me, apparently all time exists at once as a sort of quantum supposition, this means that today and tomorrow are in fact happening at the same time and its only consciousness which chooses to see time in the linear form we’re used to.

So right now, I’m being born, green eyes lighter skin and full head of hair. My eyes soon turn brown, my skin gets darker and my hair does all sorts of things because things can take different shapes in time.

It’s an odd concept, because you have to come to terms with the fact that tomorrow already exists, its here already and its just one collapse of those quantum suppositions away. But of course time has no idea what tomorrow is, time doesn’t section itself into discrete infinite sections, time just is.

We however, we do see time as succession of discrete units, minutes, hours, days, months and years. It’s a structure we understand and we’re happy with. But what happens when you can’t seem to escape yesterday, what if yesterday is continuously overlaid on your today’s and your tomorrows, is it better that we can take a straight line out of our past, best that tomorrow never comes?

In 25 minutes I copy this email from Word into my email program and my finger hovers over the mouse whilst I wonder if I should send it.

55 minutes ago I was happy, I completed my first exam of the year and it went quite well. It wasn’t 55 minutes ago when it happened but its happening now, all time exists at once.

And right now I’m holding my cousin in my arms, she’s crying and I feel empty, I’m not confused, I’m not tearful, I’m numb. She’s crying and she’s pregnant with a baby boy, months from now in her past she conceived, months from now in her future she gives birth to a beautiful son. Right now she’s trying to comprehend death.

Two hours before this I’m laughing at the misfortune of Richard Pryor as he tells the account of him having a heart attack, he describes the pain in a whimsical dramatic style and falls to the ground clutching his chest.

My cousin falls on my shoulder and weeps into it, her new born is placed in her arms and she feels elation, her child is being conceived in love and she doesn’t know.

Richard Pryor falls to the ground with his arm outstretched and my cousin Nick grabs his chest and slumps over the steering wheel of a moving car, I write about it because I feel its cathartic and its been playing on my mind because Saturday is a year since he died. It’s my yesterday but I can’t escape it, its overlaid on my today and my tomorrow.

Richard Pryor falls to the ground clutching his chest and I laugh, I laugh when I organise a gig and its not a success and I laugh on New Years Eve months later, my cousins son laughs and his innocence makes people smile.

Nick falls to his steering wheel clutching his chest and I laugh, I’m laughing at Richard Pryor, at his misfortune, I answer the phone at 3 that morning and I feel numb, I tell my cousin the news and she holds me, I don’t know what to do to comfort her, I still don’t.

In 10 minutes I copy this email from Word into my email program and my finger hovers over the mouse whilst I wonder if I should send it.

I spend over an hour on the phone to an old girlfriend and we talk endlessly about anything just so that we can be talking to each other, in a months time she won’t answer my calls or return my messages. I wonder what’s changed not realising that things can take different shapes in time, emotions included.

And I feel numb, eyes glazed over on the worst come down of my life, people wish me happy birthday and I lay on a towel over the sand under the Spanish sun, Richard Pryor lays on the ground arm outstretched and I laugh.

In 5 minutes I copy this email from Word into my email program and my finger hovers over the mouse whilst I wonder if I should send it. As I do I wonder if this moment already existed before it happened and wonder about the shape of things to come.

In 2 minutes I copy this email from Word into my email program and my finger hovers over the mouse whilst I wonder if I should send it. And Richard Pryor falls to the ground, and Nick slumps over the wheel of a moving car, and people wish me happy birthday, its New Years, my cousin is in labour, I feel numb and I laugh.

I laugh, and I wonder what about the shape of things to come.

DiCaprio Kickstarts Akira

Leonardo DiCaprio will put a big screen spin on anime classic Akira. With backing from Warner Bros he'll produce what could turn out to be a two part epic. In the original film by Katsuhiro Otomo the action unfolds in 'New Tokyo' shortly after a nuclear holocaust. It centres on a teen biker who is subjected to a government experiment that unleashes his latent powers. Oh, and he has to, like, save the world and stuff.

The Hollywood version will relocate the story to New Manhattan, a city kindly rebuilt from the rubble with Japanese money. It's the stuff of fantasy.

Tangent-
I went to Nagasaki the other day and visited the war museum there. Now without getting into the politics, history or morals of the atomic bomb attack on Nagasaki let me just say that I was shocked and disgusted by what can only be considered a disgustingly callous chapter of human history.



However, it doesn't seem to matter how sobering and serious a thing I presented with, I can always seem to bring it back to pop-culture, cult classics and otaku-obsessiveness. In this case my first thoughts were about The Watchmen, another comic that Holywood has set out to butcher. In this graphic novel a superhero called Mr Manhattan protects America during the cold war, I only realised when I visited the museum that Dr Manhattan represented the nuclear threat, and the character was losing his humanity and his ability to empathize as he became more powerful. Oh... so that wasn't just a plot device but a commentary on the nuclear arms race.

My second thought went to a film I've not seen but really need to make the effort to see, Dr Strangelove: Or, how I Learnt How to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb, another film about the lunacy of the nuclear war. And any film that has this dialouge has to be on the top of your to-watch-list:

General Jack D. Ripper: Were you ever a prisoner of war?
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Well, yes I was, matter of fact, Jack, I was.
General Jack D. Ripper: Did they torture you?
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Uh, yes they did. I was tortured by the Japanese, Jack, if you must know; not a pretty story.
General Jack D. Ripper: Well, what happened?
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Oh, well, I don't know, Jack, difficult to think of under these conditions; but, well, what happened was they got me on the old Rangoon-Ichinawa railway. I was laying train lines for the bloody Japanese puff-puff's.
General Jack D. Ripper: No, I mean when they tortured you did you talk?
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Ah, oh, no... well, I don't think they wanted me to talk really. I don't think they wanted me to say anything. It was just their way of having a bit of fun, the swines. Strange thing is they make such bloody good cameras.

This from the BBC website:

And now to the quote from the BBC: Akira, the original Anime, was one of the things that first got me interested in Japan. I watched it and was captured by it's philosophy, art, style and it's pace. If there is one thing I could possibly attribute to my being here in Japan now, then it's this film.

Akira begins by showing a nuclear explosion that destroys Tokyo. It is later suggested that the explosion was caused by experiments by the Japanese on a young boy, the namesake of the film, Akira. Akira represented a step forward in the human races evolutionary process, he was becoming something akin to a superhero, but due to military interference his power became unstable, uncontrollable and then atomic. The aftermath of this was a Japan where teenagers were lawless hoodlums, the military policed the curfew restricted streets and protest to their oppressive regime was answered with tear gas and battery. Amongst all this another boy discovers the same power inside of him that Akira had, but angry, rejected and disenfranchised, he chooses, well maybe chooses is wrong, but he uses his powers to destroy and kill.

What does Akira say about Japan's feelings about atom weapons? Or at least what does it say about the authors thoughts?

Anyway, my thoughts have wandered enough, I don't know what the point of this post was, maybe it was just a way to suggest some conversation starters or to start a conversation in on itself.

Got to Catch Them All

So I bought myself a DS not to long ago. I think that I have already blogged about my DS and how much time I'm putting into the little beauty. Well I thought that my gaming taste may have matured and that I would of joined the Touch Generation and maybe I was a casual gamer like the legions of Wii and DS owners out there who only have their systems for Wii Sports or Brain Training. It tuns out that I'm hardcore to the core, but my tastes have indeed changed.

First Person Shooters used to be the order of the day, those and role playing games in the form of Zelda and Final Fantasy. The occasional shooter and brick matching or colour matching puzzler would slip in and I will always have room in my heart for button basher friendly fighters (Soul Calibur Anyone?). But now my new thing isn't testing my Brain Age or a quick game of Suduko, no, it's a long drawn out game of Pokemon, the monster collecting game. This game is so ridiculousy in depth that it's cutesy graphics belie the truly overwhelming and stat heavy geekery of the game.

I love this game, is slow paced, it takes place in an open world and allows me the freedom to challenge the game at my own pace, there is a requirement for strategy, planning and dedication that appeals to me, but more than that it's really cute. All the people are represented as these stumpy legged big-eyed Kubrick-eque cartoon characters. The things characters say in the game range from inane to bizare, and insightful to absurd, but are always fun. As a demonstration of usability the interface is good (improvements could be made but not without damaging it's simplicity), easy to navigate and to memorise.

What makes this a hardcore game? It's the fact that so much effort needs to go into it to really play it. It isn't a throw away curio like Brain Training, Pokemon training, the in game characters would suggest, is a way of life, it's a whole world to explore and it's an adventure to be had. This is a game that asks it's players to dedicate considerable time exploring it, something I'm all to happy to give it.

Virtual Reality

Always seem to be governed by this love we have
For useless,
Twisting,
Our new technology
Oh now there is no sound
For we all live underground

Jamiroquai - Virtual Insanity

So, it was recently suggested that I may be better in a 'virtual relationship' than a 'real' one. At first hearing this I was taken aback that someone would want to insult me like that, and then on giving it some thought I wondered, 'what makes a real relationship'?

Aren't all my relationships real by the very virtue that they exist? Is it proximity or locality that makes a relationship more real? I don't think so. Now that I live in Japan and my friends are scattered all over the world, sometimes the only contact I have with them are through e-mail, text or by phone. That doesn't mean they no longer exist to me in a very real way, they existence hasn't become virtual.

All of my relationships, whether it be with friends of family, have merit despite the fact that I can not talk to these people face to face. And what is the value of face to face interaction with someone like me anyway? I'm introverted and somewhat closed, I make no secret of it, that is who I am, people have their faults and people change and overcome their shortcomings given the right impetus. For the moment I am happy to express myself here, in this place, on this blog, because this is as real as anything else in my life. And what I can't say to your face, I can say here or in a letter, there are people who can't say those things at all.

Hhmm.. vague.

Anyway, I found an interesting article that argues my point far more eloquently. Here.

The Charlie Clempson Fan Club

I lived with a girl once, not something I will encourage anyone to do in a hurry. It's a tough gig, you're in close proximity of your lover all the time, and unless you feel that you can relax with this person, that you can truly feel comfortable with the, then you're up shit's creek without a fuck-oar.

Fortunately I loved this girl so living with her was a whole heap of fun most of the time. We fought sometimes, and there were many an occasion when I didn't understand why she seemed to stubbornly refuse to see things from my far more rational POV.

Fighting escalated, and those things that I thought were cute and endearing became boring and in some cases irritating. I consequently became less considerate, more irritable in her presence and less eager to be in her around her too. Many a night I came home late without calling, or went out with the boys with no word on whether I would be home or where I was going.

one of us was crying in a comedy club and the other was rolling their eyes and making very audible and exasperated sighs

On one of our dates I had invited most of my friends to come with us not realizing that the girlfriend and I were supposed to be enjoying the evening alone, and on realizing my mistake instead of being apologetic I became defensive; "Why can't you just enjoy the evening anyway? Do you have to make a scene now?"

A similar incident on Valentines where I pointed out several of her faults that particularly annoyed me, forgot my wallet and didn't comfort her when I pushed her to tears, led to us breaking up.

I felt angry... unfairly treated, unjustly rejected, I felt that I deserved a second chance...

It's odd, from this point in time, looking back with the aid of hindsight I can see that we were on the rocks and things were not good. If I had been more attentive to the relationship I may have tried to weather the storm or had ended it before it had got so bad that one of us was crying in a comedy club and the other was rolling their eyes and making very audible and exasperated sighs.

However when that fateful day came, and the tables were turned and it was Charlie telling me what it was exactly that she didn't like about me, I found myself totally unprepared. I felt angry, I felt unfairly treated, unjustly rejected, I felt that I deserved a second chance, totally unaware that I had taken liberties with second and third chances already, the relationship was over.

I wish now that I had only take the time to think about everything, to see things from Charlie's point of view and then to think about myself and how I'd been acting, and more importantly why I'd been acting that way. I was inconsiderate, uncaring and thoughtless because it's in my nature to be, but because I had become bored of Charlie, bored of our relationship and resentful of her for being the part of the relationship I no longer enjoyed.

Living with someone has it's benefits you see, companionship being the biggest and one, and with companionship sometimes dependancy. I had grown dependent on Charlie through friendship and love, and then in the later stages of our relationship, just out of habit.

I learnt to never pretend that something is something it is not on the basis of what it once was

It was Charlie who realised that I wasn't in love with her first, she then acted on that, mostly because she needed love and affection as well as companionship, and she found it in someone else.

It took a while to get over what I felt was a betrayal, I felt that if there were problems with our relationship then she should have come to me before going to someone else. I feel like a hypocrite now, because I felt there were problems in our relationship but instead of facing them I ignored them, in doing so I betrayed my own feelings and was just as dishonest to her.

The end of that relationship was a pivotal point in my life, initially it meant that I would later live with Brin and consider going to Japan on the JET programme as a result, I would find work in London and decide to become a Project Manager and I would refocus my efforts at University and come out the other end having done pretty well. But more than that I learnt to never let myself become that same coward again, who would stay in a relationship just because the alternative is being alone, or pretend that something is something it is not on the basis of what it once was.

And that is why I'm a Charlie Clempson fan, because without her brave example of self preservation highlighting my comparable example of cowardice, I wouldn't be the person I am today. And I may be at fault in many ways but I like myself and know my own worth enough to know what I deserve and when I deserve better.

4 Seasons!

Japan has four seasons, count them! FOUR! Stick that in your pipe and smoke it Mr. Rest Of The World, because we don't care how many seasons you have,we are better because we have, not one, not two, not three but FOUR, yep... go knock your head on the corner of a block of tofu and die!

Hmmm... anyway, got this email yesterday and thought I would post it here for the amusement of passing traffic.

"

    Check out this article....

    http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20080129/lf_afp/lifestylejapangastronomy

    So C found the webpage of the people who are behind this campaign and it begins with something like "Japan has 4 unique seasons..... blah blah blah.. therefore we have a unique cuisine...."

    K says that sometimes when people ask him how he feels about life in Japan he explains that he found it difficult to adjust because in Canada they have 4 seasons and it's not the same in Japan. Apparently you can almost see people's heads exploding when you throw that at them. Gotta give it a try one day.

    I went to an elementary school today and I was explaining to some 2nd graders that northern Australia is hot all year round. But southern Australia is hot during summer and it even gets cold enough to snow in places in winter. At that point one of the teachers asked me if we have spring and autumn too.

    Is it possible to turn from summer to winter without an autumn? Can it turn from winter to summer without a spring? Can it be summer one day and winter the next?

    Anyways, C reckons he's going to send an email to the people in charge of the campaign for Japanese food. He's going to suggest that restaurants in Japan get stickers of approval for all of the foreign foods they make... and then explain that no restaurant in Japan will manage to get the sticker because Japan has screwed up most foods they've adopted from other countries. Here is a list...

• Pizza
  
• Pasta
  
• Bread
  
• Curry
  
• Christmas Cake
  
• Kimchi
  
• Wine
  
• Sausages
  
• Breakfast Cereal        

"

Anyone who has ever eaten a Japanese equivalent of any foreign food will appreciate the irony.

High Tension

So I just spent a week without my new DS, I left it in a friends car on my way to a house party. Oh, and what a house party! I was totally sober of course because yes I am still on my no drinking 'whatever', and no I don't know when I will be giving up on giving up.

So, being at a house party and not drinking was a new one on me, I felt kind of out of sorts, a bit exposed and I had to put myself in a frame of mind where I was constantly looking for stimulus without alcohol, trying to find it in conversation, pac man, food and and people watching.

Now, put Americans fresh out of university and alcohol into a room temperature space, add a dash of music, and a generous helping of more alcohol, leave for an hour and you have yourself a lovely slice if mayhem. It was an eye opener, or as a friend said;

"wow, sounds like a scene out of every b-grade american college comedy ever made"

People were dry humping against walls, pornographic material was being dissected eagerly by several people and then the contents of that material drawn onto anyone who dared get too drunk to stay conscious, coed wrestling (two lads VS one one girl) and beer pong with accompanying 'shit talking', 'oh yeahs!' and whooping! More than once I felt like granddad, just a few generations out of step, my party muscles limp from atrophy.

At no point did I regret being there, I was hanging out with some really likable people and had been the recipient of generosity, compliments and bum squeezes, it was a good party, quite 'high tension' as the Japanese would put it but certainly better than an evening with Link and the Sands of Time.

Passing time with the Sands of Time is how I will be spending next week, by then I will have my DS back and will be back in sword swinging form on Zelda, a far more sedate way to spend an evening. And I think I'm going to need a few sedate nights; last weekend was Brett's party, the weekend before that was Snowball, the coming weekend there's an after party in the city and the weekend after that it's a quick trip over the water for RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE and fun in the capital.

Fuk.u.ok Sumo and Sobriety

My Fukuoka weekends have always been fun, the last two in particular were great and I was really looking forward to getting up there again and seeing some Sumo. It was months in the planning and with any event planned with JETs it was often a headache. Despite my best efforts there was still confusion over how people were getting to the venue and confusion about which day we were seeing sumo event (though it was clearly stated on the email and then again in several others), someone even asked me for a map to the hotel, as if they couldn’t just get their own map...titter, sigh.

Anyway, once we all got together, were settled in our rooms and all ready to party then things were great. Sumo before going out was a laugh, I really enjoyed the company I was in and got a few drinks in before going out. Then we went to La Boheme, which is next to the Apple store in Tenjin, and I realised after we had eaten that I had been there before with Evania and on my last visit I remember breaking something in the toilets and wanting to leave very quickly, seems that I got away with that.
Food at La Boheme was pleasant enough and then we went onto the clubs and partied on. I ducked out kind of early and left the guys to go onto Fubar from Sam & Dave’s and instead I went to a reggae bar to meet up with a friend. I ended up at Fubar much much later and then ended up in my hotel at 5am.

The next day I felt like absolute shit, I was hung-o

ver and there was nothing to bring me out of my funk, not the $30 dollar and 6 course lunch, not the bagels with Maron-Maron cream cheese, not the Willy Wonka chocolate, the Christmas lights, the chance to touch a new iPod touch or the healthy fruit smoothie. I was in bits, and wasn’t great company as a result.
That evening we went for Mexican food at a place called La Borracha, the service was slow, the bill was enormous but the food was great. I can totally appreciate why Americans love Mexican food so much and why they would prefer it to ramen which is one of the things that Fukuoka is famed for, I got my Ramen fix the next day hidden in a both behind a curtain strangely enough.

After having Mexican I went back to the hotel and slept for an hour and 

then woke Patrick up to meet him down in the lobby so that we could head to the clubs again, but instead of waiting in the lobby I waited in the pub next to the lobby and drank a £5 pint of Guinness. I was waiting until 1 am when I realised that Patrick wasn’t going to come through the doors of the pub and join us, so instead of waiting longer Johnny and I went to hit the town.
Another 5am finish and I was feeling fucking shit this time around, in fact I have never had a hang over like this before. I was all hatred and self-loathing, I felt terrible physically and mentally drained, it was shocking.

It worried me how much alcohol could change my mood, and how terrible it could make me feel; it made me feel like something other than myself and that wasn’t pleasant. I was again extremely terrible company on the way back to Miyazaki in the car and I didn’t bounce back from that come down until Tuesday.

It’s now a week on from Fukuoka and I’ve not drunk alcohol since, and although I feel no different physically or health wise, I do feel better knowing that I’m doing something positive for myself.

I don’t think that I’m an alcoholic, nor that that was where I was headed, but I don’t think that I was drinking in a healthy way, I certainly wasn’t drinking responsibly and that bothered me.

I don’t know how long this self enforced ban will last but so far it’s survived several attempts of peer-pressure and belittlement; I find it odd that my not drinking seems so abhorrent to people, so strange that they must again convert me back to my old ways...that's people I guess, what else should I expect.

Anyway, that’s where I am right now, I still love Fukuoka, and am keen to get up there again. Although the people who I met there have all left which is a shame, I enjoyed their company because they knew who they were and didn’t judge me because of who I was. Perhaps Fukuoka will never be the same for me, but such is life.

Pictures of my Sumo Weekend can be found here.

Human After All

I half watched a film called Waking Life last night, it was about a person stuck in his own dream who realised that it was a dream but couldn’t wake himself from it. He kept meeting characters in his dream who would tell him profound or strange things and new and interesting philosophies.

One particular encounter struck a chord with me; The main character of the film accidentally bumps into another person on the street and they both apologies, the woman then stops and asks our hero if they can have an actual human moment instead of being ant like, antennae out feeling around so they can get from point A to B in the most efficient way but with no real, human interaction. She explained that we have set responses for set questions and for each interaction a set reaction.

We bump into someone and say ‘excuse me’, we hear someone sneeze and say ‘bless you’, ‘Do you want coffee with that?’, ‘Have a nice day now’, ‘Will you be paying by cash or card?’

It’s like we’re automatons and we sometimes forgo what makes us human for the sake of just existing, or getting along in the most efficient manner. It’s something I feel when I enter a shop in Japan, the reactions are set, the questions always the same, there’s no real human interaction, that smile… it always looks that genuine, which makes me wonder if it is.

And other encounters too. Meeting someone for the first time, I always get the same questions, they’re polite and they suggest that your partner is interested but they say nothing about them and reveal little about you. It can become almost like you could rehearse and then just rehash the same answers to everyone you meet here and thus make as little impact on each person you meet, and have none of them impart upon you either.

The situation is worse when you can’t communicate very well; anything less than fluency is seen as a serious disability to a Japanese person and thus they act accordingly, read patronisingly. Even though we don’t speak the same tongue I’m still a person, I’m still capable of sharing more than robot answers and ant-like reactions. Where are the real human interactions?

Sometimes, I find myself so in need of humanity that I find the extreme of my emotions and explore them in an introvert manner for days upon end, sometimes it feels like depression sometimes its almost the opposite, but each time I know that something is actually happening to me, I’m still alive, I’m not just a set of prescribed reactions from a phrase book, and even though most of the people I meet here will never fully realise it, I am human.

There Be Dragons

Not sure that I’m cut out for blogging, as my lack of blogs may attest. My thoughts are too transient, or I’m too stupid, one of the two. Or I’m too busy, that’s a possibility… accept that I’m not.

Anyway, a blog about blogging isn’t the blog I want to blog. So that, actually this, is the last time I will write the word blog in this whole electronic public journal.

Onwards! Well, I’m going to write about my weekend… exciting times, it was dra

gon boat and it was good. Actually Friday was a bit of a blow out, I just stayed indoors, bored, making funny faces at my MacBook camera and looking for stories about technology on the internet, I may have watched Star Wars too…

Saturday however; woke up early and felt the need to tidy, I like

 to tidy when I’m excited about something, I remember realising this when I was about to go on a date with a friends girlfriend, not a very nice thing to do but she was a very nice girl so… anyway, I made myself late cleaning the sink, the carpet and the windows of my apartment, then made the long journey to meet her and had fun discovering that she could tuck her foot behind her head.

So this morning was much the same as that morning except I didn’t have a date to go on, I was going to a party!

I really like parties. I love them in fact! I like to have a deep conversations about how Buzz Lightyear must have felt when he discovered he was neither unique or a hero

I realised something about myself,

 on this wonderful trip of self discovery that is my tour of Japan; I really like parties. I love them in fact! I like meeting new people, or bumping into old people, I like abandoning my friends to meet them hours later and get a glimpse of the mess they’ve got themselves into. I like drinking, and buzzing off alcohol and conversation, I love to flirt, or to have a deep conversations about how Buzz Lightyear must have felt when he discovered he was neither unique or a hero.

What I discovered on Saturday night was that I don’t understand and can barely tolerate people who don’t like to party. Wait that’s not true, I can not stand people who encroach upon my ability to enjoy a party. Those people who are given lemons and just become bitter, instead of juggling, playing lemon Subbuteo or indeed making lemonade. Not only do they find fault in EVERYTHING, they will also tell you and everyone about it, making their problem your problem.

On Sunday I discovered that I can operate on just 3 hours sleep, an onigiri (rice ball) and moustache power! And that I don’t like losing, even when I’ve made no effort to actually win.

But Dragon Boat was good, the party was good and our little splinter group had a good time albeit in different places and in different ways and that’s cool. We went home after one round and that's cool, I don't think that stressing about places to sleep, making it more than one round or deliberating on where to have breakfast at 9pm detracted from the party and won't be the memories I keep longest.

After the hangover, after the alcohol comedown and after some sleep, what I remember is that I got involved, and that's what this little trip of self-discovery is really about right? Stepping out of your comfort zone for the sake of growth.

Sex Dream

My last post was on the 22nd of August... sorry about that, I kind of ran out of things to say... anyway, I'm back and I have (had) a dream.

Had a strange dream last night, it was a sex dream about an old friend of mine, which is strange on two counts because as a rule I don’t have sex dreams about my friends and I don’t want to have sex with this person.

It was all set in a modern, sparse office building, glass and steel everywhere and a view that look out over a city at night, we seemed to be in the largest building for miles around and we weren’t alone. With this girl and me were two people I didn’t know, another couple.

I’m not sure when exactly the turning point came, the only sensible course of action was to have sex until that time came.

To begin with we were all talking about the trouble we were in, we were stuck in this building with no way to get out and we were all sure that we were going to die. My friend was worried that she couldn’t call her boyfriend, Tanaka (a figment of my imagination). I’m not sure when exactly the turning point came, but once we had given into despair and decided we were going to die then the only sensible course of action was to have sex until that time came.

So my friend and I started at it with the other couple watching, whilst we were doing it we were still talking, having pretty normal conversations, nothing like the doom and gloom of how we were to survive or escape our fate, just everyday things.

the dream was about performance anxiety, hence the audience, the windows 

It occurs to me whilst this friend of mine and I are having sex, that she really isn’t enjoying herself, so I ask her if everything’s OK and she encourages me to carryon but still looks utterly bored; then her mobile phone rings and its Tanaka.

Now my friend doesn’t live in Japan, doesn’t have a Japanese boyfriend and never has, but in my dream she’s going out with Tanaka and stops what we’re doing to answer the phone.

At first I’m nervous because I think that we’ve been caught, my friend assures me that there’s nothing to worry about and then passes me the phone. I take the phone and begin talking to Tanaka in my worst Japanese, Tanaka hangs up and I feel terribly disappointed and then wake up.

I think that the dream was about performance anxiety, hence the audience, the windows and the friend who’s opinion I value;. I’m hoping for a dreamless sleep tonight.

---

So curiosity got the better of me and I looked up the symbols in my dream, lets try and make sense of this little mess shall we. Time to get out the bullet points:

1. To dream about sex is to dream about the integration of contrasting aspect of myself, apparently. According to experts I need to be more receptive and incoporate aspects of my dream sex partner into myself.
   
2. To dream about having it off with an ex or someone who isn't my partner suggests that I'm anxious about embarking a new relationship or situation. It relates to new roles you've accepted and the responsibilities that come with that.
3. To dream of a strange city means that you will have need to change your mode of living.
4. Skyscrapers are to do with confidence or other peoples confidence in us, the higher we are in the building the more confident we are or they are about you.

So now for the analysis:

Looking at point one first, this is the easiest to assess as I know my friend well enough to describe how we differ and what attributes I may want from her. She's level headed, she's studious, well spoken and out going.

my sex-dream partner and failing, and to impress with both my coital and lingual performance

Point 2: I've been feeling quite worried about doing the JLPT language test this year, that's my new situation I think, and this would explain the whole Tanaka and Japanese language thing. As for the city, I don't know, am I worried about leaving Japan already?

The skyscraper could be the confidence other people have in me and my ability to pass this test, the test in the dream was me trying to integrate the attributes of my sex-dream partner and failing, and to impress with both my coital and lingual performance. Being trapped in the skyscraper was how I feel with the weight of other people's expectation.

Wow... aren't dreams fascinating things?

Leavers and Leaving

So, it’s almost a year to the day that I arrived in Japan, all full of hope and dreams and ambitions… actually my only ambition was to have fun and leave after a year, I’ve done the first one but I won’t be doing the second; there’s more fun to be had after all.

However, a lot of people who I’ve befriended and enjoyed spending time with have left or are in the process of leaving and returning to all manner of places all over the world.

It’s an odd feeling, saying goodbye, and not one I like to dwell upon. I mean theres no gurantee that I will never see these people again and that is heartening to some extent, but, they’re moving in so many different directions its hard to imagine that I will see all of them again someday… the world just isn’t that small.

Also, I’m sorry to see all of them go, there’s not one person leaving this year who I don’t have time for. First to leave was Jessica; a girl with so much spirit and fun inside of her that she was her own hangover cure, I’ve never seen her not smiling and not having fun or not giving something 100%. Jess came down to Saito quite often and was here for the 30km walk from Nishimera (which she won).



Yesterday Tim left; Tim was one of the first people I met in Japan; we spent my first day in Japan together, which was also my 25th Birthday. Having Tim around was certainly a adequate substitute for my friends and he soon became a good friend too, although I didn’t make as much effort to visit him as I could have; something which I plan to rectify when I return to England in August.



Today Fiona is leaving; Fiona: smart, witty, quick as a whip, fun and beautiful. Again I didn’t spend that much time with Fiona but the time I spent with her was fantastic and I really appreciated it.



John also leaves today; John is another person I got on with straight away. We both share an interest in computer games, and cinema. John is moving to New Zealand for a new life with his new girlfriend Anna. Good luck John.



Later this week Alyson will leave too. Which is a shame because there are very few people as easy to get on with in the world, let alone in Miyazaki. She’s smiley and straightforward and generous with her time.



I’m liked the leavers all for different reasons; and where at first I was disappointed that I couldn’t find embodied in anyone person, what I had from people back home, now I realise that I got something different, not worse and I’m different as a result of meeting these people.

Through the Keitai

Check these bad boys out... retro or what? I wanted these until I saw that heavy price tag. As Nike trainers go, these are some of the most handsome I've yet seen.

This was going to be a prize for the kids in my English Club, but both of them are pretty unlikable and neither of them make any effort to speak English. So I gave it to someone more deserving instead.
Filled with cream and utterly delicious... Milky omiyage. Yum!
The zen garden with its raked stones and island boulders. This picture was taken in Kyoto and then sent to someone in England at 4 am GMT... and they couldn't even see the pic, I don't think they were feeling too zen after I woke them up for nothing.

Came into my office one day and this piece of art was propped up against a wall. The artist is a friend of one of the teachers and she allowed me to take a picture of it.

Hunting for Truth

There’s something to be said of the wisdom of actors. I just listened to Ben Kingsley describe acting as tribal, and actors as hunters, eager to find the truth of the play, the truth inside their part. It’s a stretch for the imagination but, it felt right to me as he explained.


He said that as an actor, being trained formally, you feel that you want to hunt, want the thrill of it, want the adrenaline and the fear and the kill. You want to get out there and you want to pull back your bow and fire it. But instead you’re given a bow with no arrow, and you're told to pull it back, over and over and over again.

This teaches patients, this teaches stillness and if you’re confident that you’re are a hunter, that you have an important place in your tribe then you will happily be still, you will happily watch and learn, and pull your arrow-less bow content to perfect what you know you were born for.

that is the moment the hunter in you can be let out because then you have the coolness to temper the fire

And when you find yourself so patient, so content, so complete with no arrow, no thrill and no kill, then that is the moment you’re ready for the arrow, that is the moment the hunter in you can be let out on the stage because then you have the coolness to temper the fire. And for all those time when you wanted an arrow and only received a bow, you’re grateful.

hates when people come to into any encounter with preconceptions

I want to learn patience, tolerance, to be at one with myself, not to be at odds with myself. Ben said something else interesting as well, when asked what turns him off he said he hates when people come to into any encounter with preconceptions. It’s my own fault and it’s the fault of many people I know, and I hate seeing it in myself far more than in others.

Well, I know that I have a lot to learn, there’s a lot I can gain from just watching and being patient.