Shoe Gazing

Who do I confide in now when no one seems to want to listen? I called Brin the other day, excited that I had a night out on the town, with the big city lights and away from the quiet hell of the countryside. I describe my grievances about living in the sticks only to be told that I should not complain, at least not to him.

they’re good distractions and not much else

Then there are those who aren’t even that honest, simply paying me lip service enough to get to their own point, and talk about their own problems. I wonder if they mistakenly pride their selves on being good listeners when in reality they’re good distractions and not much else.

So, I write it here, say it to the wind. My fair-weather friends, my lip-service pals and the rest can ignore a friend in need as much as they want to here. Here I’m nothing but a URL, a scribbled note on a mental to-do list that never gets actioned.

join me on a shoe-gazing trip through rural Japan

In some ways it’s liberating knowing that no one is reading this, but still constricting knowing that they could. Not that I have anything bad to say about them (my friends, fair-weather and otherwise), I know them well enough to realise it would be too much like hard work to join me on a shoe-gazing trip through rural Japan.

Still, I wish there was someone more vocal to confide in than the wind.

Panic Attack

Fuck, I think that I had a panic attack last night.

I had just come off the phone to my aunty Annette and was trying to think of the positives that could be found from a pretty negative conversation about the upcoming family reunion. I decided that I would write an email encouraging everyone to turn up and to put it in their calendar, to come with a positive attitude and for those who’ve worked hard towards making it happen, enjoy your self. I find that when I organise something I get so close to the project that I become my own biggest critic and often my own worst enemy, it was with this thought in mind when I checked my email. There was a reply to a forum post I had made about the new Bank of England £20 note.

English imperialism and correct my worldview

In the post I had addressed it to all the JETs from the UK, and then informed them that the £20 note had change. However I didn’t say that the Bank of England note was the only one affected, and a particularly vocal member of the JET community seized upon this as an opportunity to fight English imperialism and correct my worldview… “England doesn’t equate with the UK”.

It was whilst writing a reply to this that my heart started racing really hard, my vision became slightly distorted and, well, I panicked. At first I thought that the 3-day-old wine I had just swigged from the bottle may have been ‘bad’, then I thought I was having a heart attack. When I finally came to my senses and realised that I was having a panic attack I tried to calm myself by controlling my breathing, that didn’t work.

the catalyst for the attack, by no means was it the cause

So, I didn’t ignore it but I decided I would finish the reply and concentrated fully on that task. That seemed to work, I felt a lot better after finishing and my panic had turned to worry. My heart was still beating hard when I went to bed, but nothing like it was before.

Althought the email was the catalyst for the attack, by no means was it the cause. I’ve been stressed recently with the preparations for my parent’s arrival, everything is in hand but I’m still letting it worry me a lot. Also I’ve been having trouble with learning Japanese, partly due to a lack of motivation. And at work I’m losing my supervisor and I’ve been trying to plan the years lessons at work, which is no small task. I guess it all got on top last night, hopefully it was a one off.

Good and Bad News

Last week I nailed the sycncopated beat I had been struggling with and I had a great time playing the Oroshi which is a series of beats played on the Taiko that continuously gets faster until it played very fast and then we start over. Watako often plays one set of beats twice and then plays the rest of the beats one bar (think thats the term) out of sync with the rest of the group so when we’re playing, Don ma ma Kon ma ma Don ma ma Kon ma ma (where ma is a silent non-played part) then she is playing, toka toka toka toka toka toka toka toka (where toka is a right hit quickly followed by the left stick).

I also went in and out of sync and still managed to keep in time so was very pleased. We played Oroshi for an hour straight without stopping and my Boshi didn’t slip from my right hand once, by the end of the practice I was also trying to lean back and forth in time with the drum hits, this is part of the performance in one of the songs and usually throws my beat off but now I keep rythym.

However later in the night when I had to use the syncopated sequence in a song I screwed it up and went back to a 1 – 2. I also screwed up the simple beat from the song I should have learnt by now.

Last week however I found some kids playing Taiko in School, and saw where they hid their boshi, so I will approach them and see if I could practice with them. One of the kids was pretty good, playing a complicated beat that involved crossing hands and playing on more than one Taiko.

Yesterday was Taiko practice, but I missed it. I was tucked up in bed by 8pm and wasn’t going to move for love nor money… not good. I will have to try double hard next week.

See more progress on: Learn Taiko Drums

St. Patricks Party

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Warning: This video is about 7 minutes long and my only description of it is that it is random. It was filmed by Rebekah, so that is to be expected I guess.