Friday, July 20

Keeping a Diary is for Dieters and Serial Murderers!



I wrote this little bit of... um... satire (let me check my dictionary)... YES satire, just before some screwed up American went can killed a whole heap of his fellow students in a depressed gun spree, yes I know that doesn't narrow it down to any particular day.

Well this isn't a comment so much upon the state of America and that nations particular predilection to violence and more about the type of person who writes diaries. NOT BLOGS!! Oh no; diaries are a very different animal. Blogs are a digital voice to a real audience; diaries are like the voice in your own head addressing yourself like you're another person and telling yourself about what you did and thought, as if you're a mental ivilid who can not remember your own thoughts.

Keeping a diary sucks! I couldn’t take it seriously. It’s not in the least bit fun and it’s the past time of serial killers and suicide bombers. In this blog entry I’ve imagined myself into the role of a diary writer (a rather concise diary writer, if there is such a thing).

Anyway...

Dear Diary,

It’s spring, yay! It’s finally arrived, the winter of my discontent has melted away and the sun is shining in the heavenly blue sky. It’s fantastic, the birds are singing loudly and with such pride, the rice fields are almost ready to harvest and the Sakura blossom is here, golly gosh it’s wonderful.

Dear Diary,

Bad news! My supervisor, my protector and guardian in this strange and sometimes hostile world is being transferred to a place far yonder called Nobeoka… or as the locals call it No-one-Be-Ok-here.

I fear for his safety I really do, but more, I fear for my own. It’s selfish I know but what will I do without my supervisor. I feel that all is lost, woah betide, all is Lost!

Dear Diary

Just as the leaves of the Sakura tree fall quietly to the ground as winds disturb their rest, a wind of change charges through my soul and disturbs the very core of me, shaking me and almost ripping me out by my roots.

It seems that not only my supervisor is to leave but my neighbours too, Nagatomo the slight and happy cook and Horiken the quiet and timid collector of pornography are both moving away.

Spring seems to bring nothing but a reminder that all great things must come to an end.

Dear Diary

The day of the leaving ceremony, no doubt a few hours of pomp and self congratulations. I will have to keep a brave heart and hide the fractures of my war torn soul behind a fragile porcelain mask, and a painted smile.

Dear Diary

The leaving party was fantastic! The food, the drink, the conversation although limited. I felt great! I no longer fear for my safety heading into this new era, instead I look to the horizon with renewed vigour and a faith in my stamina that cannot be shaken.

I’ve said my goodbyes now; it’s time to let go of the past.

Dear Diary

Oh joy! Oh wonder and merriment! I got into the top 100 in my quest to spread the good gospel Lost.eu/303FC. This is reason to rejoice, this is reason to be happy, this is fantastic!

Dear Diary

We are inextricably bound to the future as we are unconquerably tethered to our past. Sometimes I long for the Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind… tonight I opted for Ace Ventura instead.

Dear Diary

I woke from a startling nightmare this morn. I was in a world where all hope was lost and we had all but fallen into shadow, it was a grave and hellish fate that twisted all of humanity into agonies no man should endure.

When I shook myself from this terror I put on Radio One and listened to some Arctic Monkeys. They were playing tracks from My Favourite Worst Nightmare, the irony wasn’t lost on me.

Dear Diary

My new colleagues have arrived and never have I seen more disagreeable representatives of the human race. Crooked and bent all of them, not to be trusted I’m sure! Something in my marrow tells me they will be the ruin of me and again my dreams turn to despair.


Dear Diary

I must stop this nonsense lest I go mad with paranoia! I must give myself to the moment and the moment now, is spring. The sun still shines in the real world and my dreams are only persistent behind closed eyelids. I hope that they are not prophetic and I’m sure in fact that they’re simply a product of my anxiety.

Dear Diary

I’ve decided to go out sight seeing and drinking and eating. It’s hanami season and I plan on going to Saitobaru to sit amongst the Sakura blossoms and relax. I won’t be making another entry until tomorrow, in the mean time I will miss you Diary, know that you’re always in my heart.

Dear Diary

Yesterday sucked the fleas off of mangy dog balls. Fucking hanami! I’ve seen the truth about my dreams now, and the truth about spring… it’s all about abandonment isn’t it Diary! Well they won’t leave me, oh no, those petals won’t fall, because the only wind of change is me… ME!

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